The Best Christmas Gift You Can Give Yourself or Anyone Else: Simplicity

I had to laugh when I read that quote recently. I particularly
remember a time in my merry life when I had two sons, 3 dogs, my
clothes filled two closets in my home, I owned Madeleine pans,
exotic juicers, a regular and a gourmet coffeemaker, 3 sets of
flatware, 10 tableclothes, 10 sets of placemats for 6 or 8, and
formal china tablesettings for 12 … and most “cluttering” of
all, a social calendar that was unmanageable.
Life is a series of stages, and there is the “acquiring” stage.
However, there came a point where I felt overwhelmed by my
“blessings” and took a look at what was going on. At the time,
my boyfriend, who was a stock broker, kept saying, “Simplify,
simplify.” He lived what I considered a “Sparten existence.”
It caused me to take a look at the whole picture. I was
exhausted all the time. I went to a therapist; too bad there
weren’t coaches then. She said I was “trying to do too much.” I
interpreted it that I wasn’t capable of handling all these
things, and redoubled my efforts.
Coaches make things more clear. “Why are you doing what doesn’t
bring you pleasure?” would’ve been the question to ask.
Eventually I asked myself that question and here are some of the
things I did.
THE CLOTHES I was still operating from an old childhood
scarcity-mentality. I never had “enough” clothes in high school,
not because my parents couldn’t afford it, just that they didn’t
want to spend their money on that. I started babysitting
rigorously to buy myself clothes and makeup and stuff. Not a bad
thing to do, but I realized that time was over. I gave a number
of things to Goodwill, set aside a space-allotment, and stuck to
it.
I did have to “dress” for my profession at the time (PR), so I
chose two outfits I could accessorize in infinite ways. Scarves,
jewelry and pins take far less storage space!
THE DOGS Two were strays we had “adopted,” under pressure from
my good-hearted son. However, they were difficult dogs, not
having been well-raised, and took far more work than our
original family pet. I decided to give up this rescuing
mentality and at the same time educate my children. We found
good homes for two of them, and the family pact was “no more.”
We stuck with our one chosen, well-cared for, and well-trained
dog.
THE ENTERTAINING WARE That’s a hard one. It’s been an abiding
interest and love in my life, to entertain with all the
accoutrements. I decided that was an okay hobby, but to stick
with what I had for a long time. How many sets of Christmas
tablemats does one really need?
THE COOKWARE Life is choices. I could eliminate a lot of these
things by turning to fast food, eating out, less elaborate
meals. I decided this was not something to sacrifice. There are
health benefits to wok cooking, steamers, double boilers, etc.,
and "happy" benefits to beautiful Bundt cakes. My youngest son
particularly enjoyed the camaraderie of a fondue meal. Our
family dinners were fun for all of us, and a good thing, and I
didn’t want to sacrifice that for “convenience.”
Not everything in the enriched life should be “efficient.”
THE FINANCIAL PICTURE My stocks were scattered all over the
place, and we consolidated. It seemed risky to me to “put all my
eggs in one basket,” but we did, and it resulted in a nice
financial gain.
THE ORGANIZATION I decided it wasn’t all that I had that was the
problem – many of them were valuable to me and my lifestyle – it
was the organization of it all.
One thing I did was buy containers, for instance, “fall
decorations” and got everything in one place. I added to the box
my apparel for that time of year – autumn sweaters, accessories,
and jewelry. I labeled them clearly, stacked them in one place,
and felt better about it all.
I tackled the gift-producing area. I had a bow maker, rolls of
paper, ribbons, ready for every occasion. It was a time when the
boys would be invited to a birthday party quite suddenly, and it
kept me from “running out” at the last minute to buy the
wrapping. This I decided to eliminate. The storage space
required and the clutter were not worth it, and it seemed I
never had the right thing anyway. I bought 10 generic gift bags
with white tissue, appropriate for any age or occasion.
Also, seeing myself “burdened” by the gifts coming my way – that
teddy bear statuette just wasn’t “me” even if it was expensive
crystal – I switched to what I call “disposable” gifts. Sending
someone a floral arrangement, or a basket of fruit, or a
Honey-baked ham would note the occasion, but it would “go away”
and they wouldn’t have to find a place for it.
I have never been comfortable giving money, but gift
certificates seemed possible. It showed at least a little
“thought” and “effort,” the two things I find missing in gifts
of money. (Not that I’ve ever refused one!)
For those with no material needs whatsoever, I would donate
money to a charity close to their heart. That is greatly
appreciated by most people. Charities list in their newsletter
the gifts made in honor of, or in memory of, others, and that’s
a nice touch.
Re: the people in my life, I took a look at the
investment-return ratio. Some of them, I had to admit, were a
drain. With me being in a helping profession, some were “using”
me for free counseling, while making no improvements in their
lives, and that didn’t give me the friendship I needed, or
provide for them the counseling or coaching they needed.
I made a list of the people who really meant something to me,
with whom I had strong mutual bonds, and I whittled away at the
ones who didn’t contribute anything to my life. We call this in
coaching, “getting rid of tolerations.” Yes, people can be
“tolerations” and I think this is one of the more important “ah
hahs” Thomas Leonard, the founder of coaching, gave to the world.
I eliminated immediately the ones who were a negative drain on
me, and took a closer look at ones wanting entry. I quietly
discouraged some “friendships” from ever occurring in the first
place. Life is choices.
I believe that our lives are greatly influenced by the 5 people
we spend the most time with. I made sure the Top 5 were the ones
I wanted and needed them to be.
META-THEORY I decided to slow myself down at the checkout
counter. I disciplined myself for 6 months. I would not make any
impulse buys. I would go home and consider it. Usually it wasn’t
worth the effort to go back.
I would not go shopping to “window shop.” There’s no such thing!
There’s always something attracts my eye I think I “must have.”
Shopping would be a necessity for essentials, not Saturday
afternoon entertainment for me and the kids.
I put more thought into the things I gave others so as to slow
the flow into their lives as well.
READY FOR THE NEW YEAR As you participate in, or observe, the
shopping frenzy of the holiday season. Ask yourself, “Why am I
doing this?”
Good reasons are: ·It’s meaningful ·I enjoy it ·I know it’s
something I can afford and know it’s something they need or
would like
Bad reasons are: ·I don’t know why ·To keep up with the Joneses
·Because I always have ·Because you're supposed to
Oserve closely your own behavior. That’s the beginning of making
positive changes.
It’s the emotionally intelligent thing to do!