Parenting Starts Before Pregnancy
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...tarts Before Pregnancy Author: Margaret Paul,Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count:817 Category: ParentingParenting Starts Before Pregnancy By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.While it may seem farfetched to some people, many of my clientsremember what they felt and experienced while still in the womb.Comments such as these are not unusual:“I knew even before I was born that my mother didn’t want me.”“I could feel my mother’s fear and anxiety even before I wasborn.”Parenting does not start once the child is born. Good parentingstarts even before getting pregnant. It starts by caring aboutwhat you eat, how much exercise and sleep you get, and by makingsure that you are taking responsibility for your feelings ofanxiety and stress. Your baby will feel what you feel, solearning how to be in peace and joy before getting pregnant ispart of good parenting.I loved being pregnant. I had always wanted children so I wasthrilled to be pregnant. I loved feeling the baby moving withinme, awed by the very fact of creating new life. I loved feelingan elbow or a knee slide across my stomach. I loved that my bodycould be a receptacle for bringing through this soul, this angelfrom heaven. I could not think of anything more profound, moreworth doing. Who was this unique little person growing in mybody?I read every book I could on parenting and thought endlessly howI wanted to be a different parent than my parents were.The problem was that I have never thought about how much myrelationship with myself and with my husband might affect thischild.My husband was angry, distant and withdrawn during my pregnancyand the first three months after giving birth to our son. He wasa person who wanted control and he was not happy that I gotpregnant six months before we had planned. He didn’t open hisheart until our son smiled at him at three months of age.Being young, I had no idea how to handle the loneliness I feltat not having my husband joyfully involved in the hugest eventof my life. Had I known then what I know now, I would have doneanything I could to get the help we needed to bring ourrelationship back into caring. We can’t go back, but I’m surethat my son felt the lack of joy that existed between my husbandand me. I’m sure he felt the depth of my loneliness. I wish Iknew then what I know now about taking responsibility for my ownfeelings.Being pregnant and giving birth are enormous events in a woman’slife, especially the first child, which changes your life sodramatically. If you do not know how to take responsibility foryour own feelings of anger, hurt, anxiety, depression andloneliness, things will only get worse after giving birth. Achild does not solve problems for you.It’s hard to imagine before having a child what it is like to beresponsible for another life 24/7. If you have not learned howto lovingly parent yourself before giving birth, you might findyourself getting lost as parent your baby. Good parenting startsbefore getting pregnant, with learning how to take loving careof yourself.If you have a desire to be a good parent, here are steps you cantake before getting pregnant:1. Physical health: make sure that you are in good physicalshape by eliminating sugar and artificial sweeteners. Start toshop in health food stores and buy only organic products.Eliminating pesticides and food additives is essential for goodhealth. Also be sure to get enough exercise and sleep.2. Emotional health: instead of having your eyes on yourpartner, turn your eyes inward and begin to compassionatelynotice your own feelings. Start to treat your own feelings inthe same way you are planning on treating your future child’sfeelings - with caring and understanding. In addition, start topractice taking loving action in your own behalf - standing upfor yourself, speaking your truth, taking time for yourself.Practice taking loving care of your own feelings instead ofmaking your partner responsible for how you feel. Begin tonotice what you think and do that may be causing you stress.Changing thoughts and behavior that cause your stress beforegetting pregnant is essential for good parenting.3. Spiritual health: practice opening to a higher source ofguidance, wisdom, strength and comfort. This can be your ownhighest, wisest self within you, or a Higher Power outside ofyou. You will find that being able to turn a source of wisdomand comfort within or without will go a long way in helping youstay loving and stress-free with yourself, your partner, andyour baby. In addition, this will help you know what to do indifferent challenging situations with your baby.If you are planning on having a baby, start today in becoming agood parent!
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