The Complex World of Male - Female Relationships
So you've made it into the stadium and you are now stepping ontothe playing field for your first day of practice with the DallasCowboys. Nervous excitement courses through your veins as thecoach talks about the various formations he is goin...
...g to run theteam through and begins to discuss the different play calls andstrategies he will be using during this season's games. While much of what the coach talks about initially lies withinthe realm of football common sense and comes easily to you,there are a few nuances in the game plan that you will beunfamiliar with. Also, some of the plays are new to you andcould cause complications and confusion in the season ahead ifyou don't understand them. A team's language will guide you in how to interact andcommunicate with your teammates on the playing field. Thislanguage that each player must learn is full of individualcomponents, called the "plays." For each "play," there is a"plan." Each of these "plays" and "plans" has been speciallyformulated through years of research and scientific study,producing entire systems of proven techniques that can makewinners out of the players and teams. Once the methods were proven effective, they were gatheredtogether and worked into a playbook for each team to base its"plays" and "plans" on. It is that playbook that each teammatemust learn in order to be part of the winning team. This processis much the same as that of the "plays" and "plans" of arelationship. You need to read the manual, learn from those whoare already where you want to be in their relationships andlisten actively to your partner in order to learn how to speaktheir language. Once you learn this language, you can enter thegame confidently and achieve victory! A woman's perception of her relationship, as well as thelanguage she uses within a relationship may seem verycomplicated, and sometimes confusing. You may find particularthings in her language syntax that are hard to understand andcertainly difficult to interpret! And as if that weren't enough,many women have a tendency to turn over and over in their headsmost of what is said to them, finding more than what mayactually be there. While men tend to go with the flow without over-analyzingthings, women try to find out what's behind the words they seeand hear when dealing with their loved ones. This process isintuitively part of their naturally protective circuitry,helping them emotionally guard themselves and their loved ones.Have you ever heard the statement, "You don't want to mess withMother Bear?" This applies here because women are built asnurturers and maintain a natural curiosity about theirenvironment, in order to help them protect themselves and thosethey love from perceived dangers. This natural curiosity triggers what I like to call the "needto know" gene. Women have the "need to know" or to discover allthe "information" about their surroundings and then makejudgment calls as to any dangers that may affect those theylove. This of course, can lead to any number of naturalresponses to the perceived dangers of their surroundings and aninherent desire to analyze all causes and effects. Becausecuriosity (analyzing) is a natural response for women, it tendsto bleed over into other areas of their lives, namely theirrelationships. In addition to analyzing most of what is said to them, womenmay often have hidden meaning in what they say, even if theydon't intend to put it there. Men are not as complicated (in agood way) with their spoken language. What men say is most oftenwhat they mean. So, why is it that so many women seem to includehidden messages behind their words? In the same way that womentend to over-analyze things, sometimes they also include hiddenmeaning in their spoken words. The reasons for this can bepartially found by looking at the traditional upbringing andsocial history of women. Parents and other adults teach women, at a very early age, thatthey need to be strong, confident and know what they want. Theyare also told that they need to be assertive and independent inorder to succeed at fulfilling their dreams and desires fortheir future. In reality, though, oftentimes the media image of a woman ismuch different. Society in general, sees images of successfulwomen on television and in the movies that are more demure andnon-aggressive, but still get what they need and desire. The woman on television or in the media, who ends up with theman of her dreams, may have played it "coy," playing off on herseeming "need" for the man. The media image presented is oftenin direct conflict with the way that a woman may have beenraised. Because of these two conflicting images, women have nowreceived mixed messages and are subjected to confusing imagesabout the way they should behave in society. On top of this,women see the men around them as being intrigued and oftenfascinated by the media image of a woman, an image that may notalways interconnect with the ideals and values that they, aswomen, were brought up with. Because of this, women may be unsure how to present themselvesand may seek to bring forward aspects of both images at the sametime. As a result, they may confuse the two images, hiding theirtrue feelings and thoughts deep within their words, all thewhile struggling to achieve the final goal of communicatingtheir needs or "message" to those that participate in theirlives. Our environment has a great deal to do with how we relate andreact to each other as well as how we communicate with otherpeople. Another huge factor in our character make-up is theindividual chemistry that everyone is born with. While much hasbeen said about how different the sexes are, how much do weactually know? The facts show that men and women are conceivedequally in terms of their overall intelligence. However, somewhere between the twelfth and fourteenth weeks ofpregnancy, there is a testosterone wash that flows over thebrain of a male baby. i This wash does not take place during theformation of a female baby. Let's take a look at how the brainworks and try to understand why this is so important. Testosterone is one of the main chemicals that enable thebrain to manufacture and create serotonin, which is an importantneurotransmitter in the brain, causing certain nerve cells inthe brain to activate and become livelier. Serotonin can alsoact as an inhibitor. Most neurotransmitters can act as both anexciter and an inhibitor. Serotonin affects the brain'sinterior, known as the ganglia. The ganglia are the network of the brain, which is dividedinto two cells, the L cell and the R cell. Scientists believethat one of these cells makes serotonin and the other producesdopamine. Dopamine is "a monoamine neurotransmitter formed in the brainand is essential to the normal functioning of the centralnervous system. ii" Dopamine acts as an inhibitor in theganglia, thereby causing a calming effect and dampeningactivity. It is believed that during the testosterone wash, a balancebetween the L cells and the R cells are set, determining theamount of serotonin and dopamine that the brain's network willuse. This also determines how spatially or temporally aware aperson is, with men being born more spatially aware and womenmore temporally aware. A person who is spatially aware isgenerally a "left-brain" individual and someone who istemporally aware, is generally a "right-brain" individual. The word "spatial" is defined as "relating to space. iii" Asmen are generally more spatially aware, they tend to be betterat judging distances, which comes in handy during parallelparking! The word "temporal," meanwhile, is defined as being "ofor limited by time. iv" This may explain why women seem to beable to associate time and events without much difficulty. You know what I am talking about here men, that little thingthat really bothers men about women -- she remembers everythingshe thinks you have done wrong and when you did it! I believethis is due in part because of a woman's propensity for temporalawareness. Because of the testosterone wash, men tend to be more "left-brain" oriented and women rely more readily on the"right-brain." "Left-brain" individuals tend to be moreinterested in facts, inclined to logic and reason. They are moremotivated in providing for the home and usually more interestedin becoming engineers, mathematicians and scientist. These arejust a few career choices that a "left-brain" individual mightmake. A "right-brain" individual tends to be better at, and moreinterested in, developing relationships and dealing withemotional issues. They are more inclined to emotions andpassions and are generally more motivated by investing in therelationships of the home. Their career choices tend to put themin the roles of caregivers or into jobs where they can use theirartistic, investigative and research abilities. This is in contrast to the general tendencies of"left-brained" individual. Again, a clearer picture begins to berevealed when we look at the differences between the sexes inthis light. Most men might find a leisurely reading of PopularMechanics or Programmer's Security Desk Reference fundamentallymore interesting than reading Ladies' Home Journal or ParentChild Magazine, while women are just the opposite. This is simply a matter of one's interest and NOT anintellectual issue, as both men and women can be motivated forvarious reasons to read on all the subjects mentioned. Rememberthat both sexes are born equally in terms of intelligence. My uncle gave me a funny example the other day of how men seewomen's thought patterns when it comes to making decisions. Ithought that this insight was a great example of men conqueringand women looking for sequence and order before they tackle thematter at hand. Here's what he had to say: "Men rule by action. Women rule bycommittee. For example: Man sees hill, climbs hill. Woman seeshill, forms discussion group, sets up hill climbing committee,votes for hill climbing team, schedules climb date, checks rainfall charts, does studies to locate best path, sends out scouts,and much, much, much, much later... finally climbs the hill." The facts stated thus far pertain only to our pre-dispositionat birth. The things we experience each day, the lessons that weare taught as we move through our daily lives and the personalchoices we make along the way will also be determining factorsin how "left-brain" or "right-brain" we become. These factorswill also directly affect our communication with andrelationship to others. The good news is that since each of us has the freedom to makepersonal choices, we can learn to hear and understand eachother's language when we step onto the playing field to beginpractice! "Your hands made me and formed me; give meunderstanding to learn your commands." Psalms 119:73 Once you step up and onto the playing field, however, you willneed to hear exactly what the coach has to say during practiceif you want to make it to your first game. Copyright © 2005 JaciRae and North Shore Records, Inc. For more information aboutWinning Points With The Woman In Your Life One Touchdown at aTime, go to: www.winningpoints.net or simonsays.com
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